Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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