I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
