Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate all girls vehemently.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
