8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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