If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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