are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
