I skipped work to stalk him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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