My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
