Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
