Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
