Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
worst night to have a conscience
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
