Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
