Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
