Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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