Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
