he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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