he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
