I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
