love makes seman taste better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
