We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
