It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
