haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
