But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
