I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
