you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
third nipple confirmed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
