Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
