we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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