butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
