Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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