I skipped work to stalk him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
