Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
