i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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