puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
