By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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