Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
