whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
