I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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