if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
