how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
