Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
