even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
