Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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