i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
