I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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