i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
