she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
