just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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