Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
