Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
