I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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