I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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