the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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