Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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