just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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